The Wind

The walls began to visually pour with black blood in good old horror-movie fashion. Clearly this was done to intensify my fear and at the time the effect was horrific, although I didn’t have a moment in which to panic. With what little self control I had left I managed to get back into my body a couple more times, whereupon I made desperate but vain attempts to awaken the witch man beside me.

When I managed to speak – this took a monumental effort – my voice sounded strangulated and barely audible, shocking to hear. When I next got ripped out I was more horrified than ever to find that I’d brought the sleeping self of the witch with me.

I dropped him immediately and I confess that I blamed him at that moment for what was happening, considering that he had encouraged the force to come after me and had failed utterly in his promise to protect me.

Alone in the corner of the ceiling, mortally afraid and pinned into place by the wind, I gathered my thoughts enough to move along the wall, away from the large (closed) double windows where the wind seemed to be coming from.

The Witch

This happened more than 14 years ago.

One night without warning, between 1.00 and 2.00 am, the source of my darkest fears  – the demon itself which had haunted and pursued me throughout my entire childhood and adolescence – returned with a vengeance and ripped me out of my body within seconds of me lying down in bed.

I was completely sober and fully conscious. The only way it can be described at this point is as a hurricane-like silent wind that was at one with the darkness.

I was aware of the time because the bed had no headboard and during the struggle I was able to force my head back over the edge, putting my upside-down vision into line with the clock on the video recorder.

Every time I managed to fight my way back into my body (an enormous struggle of to-ing and fro-ing which lasted about 15 or 20 minutes) I would check on the time in a desperate attempt to keep a grip on the waking world; on ‘reality’.

At a certain point the force proved too strong and I found myself blown against a corner of the ceiling, looking down at my own body and that of my (then) boyfriend. The ‘witch’.

Philosophy of a Lunatic

I feel so close to God, so inspired by His Spirit that in a sense I am God. I see the future, plan the Universe, save mankind; I am utterly and completely immortal; I am even male and female. The whole Universe, animate and inanimate, past, present and future, is within me. All nature and life, all spirits, are co-operating and connected with me; all things are possible. I am in a sense identical with all spirits from God to Satan. I reconcile Good and Evil and create light, darkness, worlds, universes.

John Custance, Wisdom, Madness and Folly: the Philosophy of a Lunatic

*

He who has found and awakened to the Soul that has entered this conglomerate whole – he is the maker of everything, for he is the creator of all; the world is his: indeed, he is the world itself.

Brhadaranyaka Upanishad

*

Spiritual megalomania is as old as the world. Its origin is found well beyond the terrestrial world, according to the millennial-old tradition concerning the fall of Lucifer. The prophet Ezekiel gives a most moving description of this:

You were the signet of perfection, you were full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; You were covered with every kind of precious stone: Sardonyx, topaz, and diamond, chrysolite, onyx and jasper, sapphire, carbuncle, emerald, and gold, with which you were adorned, and which were prepared for you on the day that you were created. You were a guardian Cherubim, with outspread wings; I placed you, and you were, on the holy mountain of God; You walked in the midst of stones of fire…Your heart was proud because of your beauty, You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendour. I cast you to the ground, I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you…..

Ezekiel, xxviii, 12-17

Here is the higher (ie, celestial) origin of inflation, superiority complex and megalomania. And since ‘that which is below is as that which is above’, it is repeated below in human earthly life from century to century and generation to generation. It is repeated above all in the lives of those human beings who are detached from the ordinary earthly setting and the state of consciousness belonging to it, and who transcend it, be it in the sense of height, in the sense of breadth, or, lastly, in the sense of depth.

Unknown author, Meditations on the Tarot, Letter VII, The Chariot

Starry Heaven

Laid I down upon the pillow

Soft, my sleepy head one evening.

Holding fast a cross from Israel

O’er my heart, for Love’s forgiveness.

Then I saw a sight, quite welcome,

To a child of starry heaven:

On a board of dark-night matter

Drew the Master with his finger

Five points joined, a star-shaped image

Finished by a sixth point, centred.

Once His finger left the black board

Burst a light; a new-made star born.

What a clever One! I wondered

Hoping then He’d make the sun shine,

Yet He made a second star light

Up the night before my wide eyes.

Very soon – in deep hypnosis –

Did I reach the land of dreaming.

In that realm I found another –

Dark with unrequited passion.

Gave this one my self a garment,

Woven in the strangest fashion.

And he gave me food to savour,

Made me feel a princess, favoured.

Later did he stand behind me,

Put his head upon my shoulder,

Kiss my neck to make me bolder.

Lord of night, my dream-self’s other

Showed me that our bond is soldered,

Soothed my soul my Spirit’s lover.

Hymns to the Night

Have courage, for life is striding
To endless life along;
Stretched by inner fire,
Our sense becomes transfigured.
One day the stars above
Shall flow in golden wine,
We will enjoy it all,
And as stars we will shine.

The love is given freely,
And Separation is no more.
The whole life heaves and surges
Like a sea without a shore.
Just one night of bliss —
One everlasting poem —
And the sun we all share
Is the face of God.

Novalis, Hymns to the Night

From your power I am able

A lover asked his beloved,

Do you love yourself more
 than you love me?

The beloved replied,

I have died to myself
 and I live for you.

I’ve disappeared from myself
 and my attributes.

I am present only for you.

I have forgotten all my learning,

but from knowing you
 I have become a scholar.

I have lost all my strength,

but from your power 
I am able.

If I love myself
 I love you.

If I love you
 I love myself.

Rumi, Do you love me?

The Essence of Initiation

It is in we ourselves that there is to be found the ‘Edenic’ layer, of that of Paradise before the Fall, of which an account is to be found in the book of Genesis of Moses. Do you doubt the essential truth of this account? Descend into the depths of your own soul, descend as far as the roots, to the sources of feeling, will and intelligence – and you will know.

It expresses in symbolic language the first layer (first in the sense of the root of all that is human in human nature) of human psychic life, or its ‘beginning’. Knowledge of the beginning, initium in Latin, is the essence of initiation. Initiation is the conscious experience of the initial microcosmic state (this is the Hermetic initiation), and of the initial macrocosmic stage (this is the Pythagorean initiation).

The first is a conscious descent into the depths of the human being, to the initial layer. Its method is enstasy, ie, experience of the depths at the foundation within oneself. Here one becomes more and more profound until one awakens within oneself to the primordial layer – or the ‘image and likeness of ‘God’ – which is the aim of enstasy. It is above all by means of the sense of spiritual touch that this experience is effected. One can compare it to a chemical experiment undergone on the psychic and spiritual plane.

The second experience – that we have designated ‘Pythagorean’ from a historical  point of view – is based above all on the auditory sense or sense of spiritual hearing. It is essentially musical, just as the first is substantial or alchemical. It is by ecstasy – or rapture, or going out of oneself – that the macrocosmic layers (spheres or heavens) reveal themselves to consciousness. Pythagoras’ ‘music of the spheres’ was this experience, and it is this which was the source of the Pythagorean doctrine concerning the musical and mathematical structure of the macrocosm.

Christian esotericism unites these two methods of  initiation. The Master had two groups of disciples – ‘disciples of the day’ and ‘disciples of the night’ – the first being disciples of the way of enstasy and the latter those of the way of ecstasy. He also had a third group of disciples ‘of day and night’, ie, those who possess the keys to both doors at once, to the door of ecstasy and that of enstasy. Thus, the apostle, John, author of the Gospel of the Word-made-flesh, was at the same time he who listened to the heart of the Master.

He had a twofold experience – macrocosmic and microcosmic –  of the Cosmic World and the Sacred Heart, of which the litany says: Cor Jesu, rex et centrum omnium cordium. It is thanks to this twofold experience that the Gospel which he wrote is at one and the same time so cosmic and so humanly  intimate – of such heights and depths simultaneously. There, the macrocosmic solar sphere and the microcosmic solar sphere are united, which explains the singular magic of the Gospel.

Unknown Author, Meditations on the Tarot, Letter VI, The Lover

Free Alliance with the Spiritual World

The experiences that lead to an understanding of human guilt, need, care, and death can be encountered only in the physical body. Only in the physical body can we awaken the force of courage and the humility needed to go through the ‘needle’s eye’ of initiation.

Only those who are conscious of the range of human guilt and the human need arising from it can develop the necessary humility in the presence of the spiritual world – a necessary condition of acceptance by that world and security against rejection by the spiritual world as a moral alien.

Moreover, individuals cannot achieve the courage to enter the kind of gloomy nothingness in which the spiritual world shows itself at the  decisive hour, unless they have seen, unparalysed, not only common day but also cosmic day in the colourless light of care, not flinching from the sight of all that is dying in the cosmos, in humankind, and in themselves.

Only in the school of the physical body can we learn the humility and courage needed by free human beings, or initiates, to conclude and realise a free alliance with the spiritual world.

Christ and Sophia, Valentin Tomberg

Omnipotent One

When we landed, we fell to extolling these master touches of the Creator’s hand, for, indeed, the place was, at it were, born of fragrant musk – so fresh and beautiful and full of all delights not made by man.

Selecting a rare spot on the bank of a stream, I sat apart, meditating upon the wonderful works of the Omnipotent One. There the soft zephyrs singing in the trees, and the stream murmuring at my feet, lulled me to slumber; and when I awoke later, I looked forth upon the sea and lo, the ship was far out on the wall of the ocean sloping to the sky.

They had forgotten me and I was left alone upon the island.

The Second Voyage of Sindbad the Sailor, The Arabian Nights

Lysander

O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!

Love takes the meaning in love’s conference.

I mean, that my heart we can make of it:

Two bosoms interchained with an oath;

So then two bosoms and a single troth.

Then by your side no bed-room me deny;

For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie.

Lysander, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Shakespeare